Amber's Story of Hope
Every day I am reminded of God’s grace and mercy when He pulled me out of the darkness and used the Healing House and Bridge of Hope to bring me into the light. Over the last ten months there are no words to express my gratitude. I was so lost, confused, scared, and alone in the darkness that I didn’t even want to open my eyes when I’d come to from each black out every day. My addiction started at 11 years old with pills from a knee injury where I felt instant emotional relief for the first time from hiding the secret of being molested for a year when I was six. By the age of 12 I was drinking and tore up my knee again. I eventually had six knee surgeries, a number of other surgeries, broken bones, and torn up joints from sports that sent me through rings of depression, drinking binges, and pill stock-ups. The atmosphere I grew up in was very business oriented and unaffectionate. I didn’t know anything about addiction, due to not being around it, so I had no idea that I had a problem. Throughout the 12 years of drinking and drugging I would act like everything was fine in front of everyone, join in every activity I could in school, and break down when I was by myself. I thought that attending a Christian college would help me get my focus on God, but again I found myself in basketball, track, band, sorority, and a number of other organizations. By my senior year of college I had lost any sense of confidence, self worth, or desire to keep breathing. Through the course of multiple abusive relationships, a boyfriend dying, being raped by about 10 men from a college basketball team, finding a friend dead, and a number of your typical addiction cycle events I found myself renting an apartment alone after graduating college. I didn’t tell anyone where I went so that I could just drink away the hurt and pain. I found myself joining an escorting service online where I ran into a bad group of guys that when I decided I didn’t want to comply would break into my apartment. I couldn’t numb and blackout enough to hide from what men were doing to me and what I had gotten myself into. Throughout these events I felt God’s hand reaching toward me, but the guilt and shame of doing things contrary to His Will was so overwhelming that I was too scared to reach back. Despite all this, He continued placing people in my life to get me out of this darkness which just made me feel worse. In return I would numb and drink more, wishing that I would die. Finally, at a point of life or death, God sent someone from AA to my doorstep asking me to try a detox center so that I could hide from the men and be off drugs and alcohol for three days. On my third day in detox, sick and shaking, Judi Burkholder came and prayed with me. At that point, deep down, I knew things were going to be ok. Since then God has used Pastor Luther, Judi, Bobbi Jo, and Lisa Joe to help me fight through so many battles that Satan has launched into my life. Through many counseling sessions with Pastor Luther, God has delivered me from my nightmares, insecurities, drug and alcohol cravings, and so much more. Today I serve my Heavenly Father, surrender daily, and put on the full armor of Christ. In serving Him, He fills me with compassion for others that I’ve never had. I want to be an example to those who don’t know Him and show them the love that the Healing House and Bridge of Hope has showed me. I am willing to let God use me in reaching out to those who are broken down as I was.